NEW: Wayne’s World #2
Hi, its me again, carrying on from where I left off the other week. As I was telling you, my mum didn’t know that I’ve ever had a girlfriend. But I told her that me and Karen were ‘going strong’. We were like a Cole & Yorke striker partnership. A Pallister & Bruce solid back line. She told me to “pack your fuckin’ bags and off you pop then… Dwighty-boy!” I was quite sad. But not as sad as when Manchester City scored six at the Theatre. I stayed in bed for four days after that.
Karen is lovely. She’s got four smashing children. One of them is called Ryan. I call him ‘Giggsy’ all the time, which I find quite funny. Ryan doesn’t though. He called me a “fat nonce” and said Giggsy wasn’t much different either. I couldn’t believe Karen let him speak to me like that, but I think she was really busy setting up a new Insta account after being hacked by some Nigerian millionaire, or that’s what she said when I caught her looking at some ‘well-endowed’ gentleman of an African origin. Though, he did have a look of Patrice, from a certain angle. He was a great full-back for U-N-I-T-E-D… haha.
“I’m not a Mancunian, I’m very proud of my Surrey heritage. Yawwwright!!”
Oh, I’ve also got a new job as well as a delivery driver. I say new, its the first since I quit the paper-round. Well got sacked actually after a misunderstanding with a Palace fan down the road from Karen’s. He tried to set his pitbull on me when I was delivering his Sunday paper. It looked a bit like Incey when he used to get real angry. I told the owner this, but he didn’t look too impressed with me and started shouting “don’t be coming up my path wearing that fuckin’ red rag of a shirt you fake Manc twat.” I’m not a Mancunian, I’m very proud of my Surrey heritage. Yawwwright!! Sawwwtid! Top-one, nice one, hahahahaha. I do make myself laugh sometimes. But not quite as much as Colleen was this last week. haha. United ONE Leicester NIL. Oh yes! Do one Vardy!
I’ll tell you more about the job, my driving lessons and some of the other girls I dated before Karen next time, hee-hee-hee, I sound like a right “Wolf of Wall Street” don’t I?
Kind regards Jordan Belfort…. Hee-hee. Just joking, its me, Wayno!
WAYNE KERR, SURREY RED (MUFC 4EVRA… 4EVRA… GEDDIT?)