ARCHIVE: Wigan (a)pathetic

Back in the mid-to-late 90s, White Love ran a series called “Hate Thy Neighbour” with a handful of pages of pure abuse and mockery of the likes of Bury, Tranmere, Burnley, etc, etc. Here’s an excerpt from Wigan’s turn.

Wigan Athletic. A club who have had even less success than our favourite other lower league nobodies, Bury (Ra Ra).

So, why have ‘Wigan’ failed to achieve anything whatsoever? Partly due to the fact that their miserable existence in the football league only began in 1978 (and partly due to the fact that they’ve always been shite). That’s right they’ve only been in the league for 18 years, which is a year less than Wimbledon, those other former non league titans from humble beginnings, yet who have been in the top division of English football since 1986 and beat Liverpool in the 1988 FA Cup Final, only eleven years after being voted into the Football League.

Wigan Pathetic: So what about Wigan? Well since the Football League made the mistake of letting them into the league, they have spent eleven seasons in Division Three (Now Division Two), and they are now in their eighth in the lowest division. Which is where they are more than likely to stay until the Football League realises the sheer futility of their action in letting Wigan into the Football League and sends them back from whence they came.

According to the Rothmans Football Yearbook, the undoubted highlights of being a committed Wigan fan will include beating the mighty Brentford to win the legendary Freight Rover Trophy in 1985, finishing in the remarkable position of fourth in the old Third Division for an incredible two consecutive years (85-86 and 86-87) and... well that’s about all. No I tell a lie, they once got as far as the 6th round of the F.A. Cup, and the 4th round of the League Cup. That’s it. One cup win, and I don’t even know if that was held at Wembley. The only way a Wigan fan would get to Wembley would be if he/she was also a supporter of the towns Rugby League Club, who the Pathetic fans dislike.

Wigan Apathetic: Seeing as how Wigan and its surrounding environs of Atherton, Leigh etc. are admittedly, Rugby towns, perhaps it is unsurprising that nobody can give a flying fuck about Wigan Apathetic, and consequently, very few people actually bother to turn up to watch games, currently less than 2,000.


“Makes me wonder why the hell the capacity of Springfield Park is a generous 6,674. I suppose it needs to be that ‘big’ on the off chance they draw us in the cup.”


Plus there’s the fact that, as pointed out, they’ve achieved bugger all in their overlong existence in the football league. Makes me wonder why the hell the capacity of Springfield Park is a generous 6,674. I suppose it needs to be that ‘big’ on the off chance they draw us in the cup. If they ever progress far enough to actually get in the draw to stand a chance of meeting us. Which is unlikely.

Do you know who Wigan’s most capped player is? Trick question. None of their players have ever achieved international recognition. Unsurprising as they will never persuade an international calibre player to go there, once they’ve seen Springfield Park. You thought Burnden Park was a dump. It’s positively palatial compared with Springfield Park.

I’m probably preaching to the converted as I imagine a fair number of readers have had the misfortune of going there, and outnumbering the home fans 3:1. For those fortunate never to have been, well the away terrace used to have the lower half as concrete steps, and the upper half a grassy knoll, with a form of shed at the top.

Now I’ve only been once, and the grassy knoll was fenced off, but you can imagine the kind of fun to be had when it rained or snowed. 

The rest of the ground is about up, or should I say down to that level, with the attempt at a main stand only stretching for a third of the length of the pitch.

But anyway they’re meant to be moving away from the cack heap in the near future. They’ve got a guy on the board called Dave Whelan, who owns JJB Sports, and so has a few quid in his pocket. It’s been proposed that they move to a new ground, possibly to be shared with Wigan Rugby League. That strikes me as ridiculous. Springfield Park may be one of the worst grounds in the league, but it is on a par with the team, is it not?

First appeared in White Love Issue 11, Autumn 1996.

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