ARCHIVE: Loyal White #1

They all think I’m a nutter at work. All because I refuse to mention that team by name. You know who I mean… “The Red Shit”, “The Urinal Scum”, “The Trafford Vomit”. The name of that team hasn’t passed my lips since 1979.

That was in the court case. A red twat took me to the magistrates after I scratched ‘Filth 1, Bolton 2’ down the side of the car. The lawyer asked me why I did it and I said “Because he’s a fucking rag!”, nobody understood. So I ended up having to say *** ******. 

I didn’t feel clean for 6 months afterwards. I went through hundreds of pounds worth of mouthwash.

The wife is always trying to trick me into saying it. She just doesn’t understand at all. She got into a right strop after that episode with the dickhead down the road at number 85. He’s a fucking urinal. So I kept changing the numbers on his door around. Then one day the red shithouse got the coppers involved. So the next day I dolloped a load of horse ‘manure’ on his driveway. I told the police I was just playing ‘pictorial word games’ with him.

He really is a prick at number 85, I suppose he probably thinks he’s got the ‘Greatest House in the World’. He’s got no sense of humour either. There was that time he was paying the milkman, so I ran across the road and barged him onto his arse in his doorway and shouted “Lofthouse... 2-0”. Mind you that’s where the similarity ended, as I don’t think Nat proceeded to give Harry Gregg a good kick in the nuts afterwards, did he?

Anyway, chocks away, and don’t forget to follow the Whites and hate the Shite!

LOYAL WHITE (BWFC)

First appeared in Issue 3 of White Love, back in 1995.