Mandy’s Rants…
Facebook’s never been the same since Mandy Sheridan starting ranting about the Whites – and a few other local things! Here’s a snippet of some recent activity, firstly from this season and then a selection from last running into pre-season.
RECENT RAMBLINGS SEASON 2022/23...
Trouble at Port Vale
14 Aug 2022
Hello all.
I hope this post finds you in good spirits after a cracking performance against 12 men yesterday.
I was at the game and I can just about cope with some of the dogshit grounds we’re having to tolerate in this league (see below picture – more specifically that fat bastard pole that seems customary in grounds at this level) but the standard of refereeing is another story.
But it’s not so much the game I need to discuss, it’s the situation that arose for me afterwards that I’m more troubled by.
Now I know the ‘feds’ told Bolton folk to stay away from local boozers but I chose to ignore that. I weren’t in my Wanderers gear and I’ve always been good at voices so I just did my best Robbie Williams impersonation and the locals completely fell for it. All but one that is who I got into pleasant conversation with before he told me he wasn’t falling for my act. He’d already seen me 30 minutes prior headbutting a Vale fan who was trying to intimidate a group of young Wanderers, and he was ready for turning me in on the basis that “away fans aren’t allowed in this place”, to which I responded by pointing out that guns probably weren’t permitted neither, but either he had one in his pocket or he was damn pleased to be sat with this particular away fan.
Anyroad, cut long story short we spent the night together at his gaff a few miles from the ground and he drove me home this morning and has been texting me ever since.
Thing is I can’t really be doing with anything long term, especially with some loser from Stoke, even if he was very skilled in the bedroom.
What do you reckon I should do, be honest and say I’m up for some’rt casual, long as he’s willing to drive 60 miles there and back each time to get it or what?
Thanks in advance for your kind words of support and advice.
Is BWFC.CO.UK Good Enough?
19 Aug 2022
Hello all.
I just want to brainstorm here as I’m seeing a lot of people getting ever so upset these days about ticket sales and so on – I’m convinced some folk are more bothered about attendances than the football itself but that’s by-the-by.
There’s obviously been a lot said over last few years about the club membership – it usually starts with somebody complaining about the rigmarole they’ve been put through just to buy one ticket before some millennial born with an iPad on his knee tells him to stop whinging because it’s in fact so god damn easy.
The truth is, it is pretty easy if you’re on the ball, but the sad reality is a lot of Bolton fans aren’t. A lot of people are a tricky mixture of impatient, technologically inept and/or plain unintelligible, not to mention in some cases ambivalent, but that doesn’t make them worthless to the club.
Take Jeff for example. He lives in Astley Bridge, his wife left him for a better looking man 10 years ago and he’s now a heavy drinker with no friends, family or hobbies. He remembers fondly going to the Whites with his dad as a kid and occasionally in the Allardyce years and somebody has told him they’re now playing some good stuff, so out of pure curiosity he checks the club site to see if he can get a ticket. By his own admission, he’s no superfan and he’s only bothered about getting a ticket for the next match if it’s as simple as pay up and get in. But it’s one error message after another, and before you know it he can’t be arsed.
Now I know you might say “Fuck Jeff, we don’t need Jeff anyway, we need proper fans!”
But this is the reality of much of our fanbase, and football fans in general.
And maybe if Jeff could just get that one ticket on a plate and sample some of our cracking football and atmosphere of late, he’d reinvent himself and start wanting to go that extra mile for the club.
You don’t have to feel sorry Jeff, I just made him up but the question I’m driving at is – no, buying a home ticket ain’t rocket science, but is it as easy as we want it to be with such a big focus on getting as many folk down at the ground as possible?
Matchday Singing
24 Aug 2022
So as I may have mentioned before I am a season ticket holder in the North Stand and have been for some years now.
Unfortunately I’ve noticed a trend emerging among a section of loudmouth supporters in that area where it has become the thing to mock other fans who are less active in the singing and chanting side of matchdays.
The thing is I can’t speak for everyone but I personally have certain commitments that mean it’s important I protect my vocal chords and I don’t appreciate being belittled by these airheads.
Only last year I formed a band with some friends in which I am the lead vocalist – incidentally I’m in talks with the club about performing track 9 of our first LP called ‘Henrik Pedersen’ at the Derby match so watch this space.
I’ve also been making a little extra cash recently offering comfort to gentlemen (and occasionally women) in the evenings over the phone, and I don’t want anything to jeopardise the sound of my voice which by the way, a lot of callers ask for specifically.
Now there was a time I would have turned round and made these scrotes wish they’d never been born, but I feel like I’ve turned my life around drastically recently with my careers taking off, and I’ve also started doing yoga.
I genuinely feel like reporting it to a steward as I know a number of people are getting peed off with it, but would anything be done, or am I just going to have to take matters into my own hands?
No Need to Panic
27 Aug 2022
Just need to keep it real.
Let’s face it there’s a cockiness about this team and manager that we like when we’re winning, and despise when we’re on a bad run.
I think Evatt’s single biggest mistake last season was declaring us the best side in the division. It’s basically like me saying I’ve the best rack in Bolton when in reality I’m probably only about 8th, and if I felt under that amount of pressure to impress everywhere I went it would just get me down and I’d never show my true potential.
Now he’s not made a statement quite like it this season to my knowledge but there is that confidence among fans you feel that we have the best squad in the division. Only we should know all too well from seasons gone by there’s a big difference between having strength in depth and just having signed a lot of players.
I just think we’re in a great position as a club taking into account where we might have ended up a few years back and as much as we wanna get out of this miserable league, we do ourselves no favours simply expecting to get promoted. It’s sad but we’re one of about 6 clubs that reckons they’re too big for League One – I think the ones that aren’t disappointed come May will be those that go about their business quietly, no panicking, no dramas, just take each match as it comes.
BWFC – Snog, Marry, Avoid
12 Sep 2022
I appreciate this group is made up largely of heterosexual men but I’m confident that at least a handful of them are comfortable with their sexualities and able to make their choices even if just in jest. So whether you’re male, female, straight, gay, lesbian – perhaps a complicated mixture of the lot or even one of them non-bananas that don’t do labels, please get involved, and help get me through this bloody miserable week of no football, no decent telly, no nothing really.
So we’ve certainly had our fair share of studmuffins along with the ocasional face and/or character only a mother could love over the years so it hasn’t been an easy selection for me but here goes:
SNOG: Nicky Southall.
I can’t really explain this, I just always found him to be something of a beefcake, despite that he was pretty unremarkable as a player. Having said that I still get highly turned on watching that goal he scored at Newcastle, and the time he went in goal against Derby when Jaaskelainen got sent off.
MARRY: Mario Jardel
That’s right, I’m not ashamed to admit that when we first got a look at this fella and most Bolton fans went WTF, all I could think was...that’s just the kinda bloke I’ve been looking for for a long time. Just my type, facially attractive in an exotic way, and probably never embarrassed about being first in a buffet line. I mean obviously somebody who looks after himself works much better from a sporting point of view, but for me there’s no greater turn off than abs and toned muscles. I like a right chunk of a man who’s not gonna look at me like a criminal for suggesting three lots of fish chips and mushy peas.
AVOID: Chris Eagles
I’ve nothing against the lad personally, I mean he did an alright job for the team most of the time, I just get the feeling he’d be too lightweight for me in a relationship of any kind, I imagine he would be incredibly needy and also one of them blokes who cries after sex.
So there you have it, that’s my selection, so please don’t by shy, we’re all friends here and no judgement will be passed.
Is Iredale as Good as Declan John?
4 Oct 2022
Evening all, Mandy here.
I hope this post reaches you in good spirits.
I’m just hoping to get some feedback on the current left wing back situation.
I’m not necessarily of the opinion that the lad Iredale has done a bad job to date, but I am surprised how few opportunities John has been getting.
I do think Declan is perfect for this team, and just about as good as they get in that position at this level – full of energy and perfect balance of speed and physique – whereas for me Iredale may come up short as the season progresses against stronger opposition. I think DC oozes the sort of enthusiasm that epitomises this team, where Iredale to me seems a little slow, especially that sluggish way that he goes to take set pieces which leaves me feeling impatient.
Despite it being a winning team, I’d definitely make one or two changes tonight starting with this one.
RESPONSE: Serious & relevant comments from Mandy. Not just who’d she’d prefer in bed! C’mon Mandy who’d you prefer?
MANDY: Honey I’m a very serious person when needed and a bit of a football genius. I could turn this page into the best Wanderers forum on the web all on my own if I had the time, but let’s face it there’s plenty of serious football talk out there and It just gets on your tits after a while. That’s why I like to lighten things up every now and again with a bit of general goss. But since you ask I wouldn’t kick either out of bed, however I’d probably go with Declan, it’s the Welsh.
Was it Just a Blip (Cheltenham Away) or Does Ian Need to Wake-up & Listen to Mandy Before Things Go Pear-Shaped?
5 Oct 2022
I hope this post reaches you in good spirits despite a most disheartening performance last night.
Now, the key message I’m picking up from a lot of comments is that you should never change a winning team. I disagree completely. You absolutely should change a winning team if doing so makes it stronger, it’s just that in the case of last night this did not happen.
I never like to see a drama over one bad result when we’ve otherwise been playing very well and picking up points, but at the same time we started last season strongly – before going on a dreadful run that ultimately cost us a place in the top six which in my opinion was obtainable – so it’s important to do everything possible to nip the sort of shite we witnessed last night right in the bud.
So what measures do you think need taking?
Well, having once won the Champions League on Championship Manager with Leigh RMI, I do think I’m well positioned to advise Evatt going forward on team selections so I’m going to post what I think is our best team right here right now and with a bit of luck it will get back fed back to him somehow and he will take note:
Trafford
Jones Santos Johnston
Bradley John
MJ Williams Thomasson
Lee
Charles Bodvarsson
I do like Afolayan but depending on opposition he is one player I would rotate with accordingly.
But it’s up to you Ian love.
How Many More Like That Can You Stomach?
8 Oct 2022
As a keen follower of Wanderers social media forums for many years, it has never ceased to amaze me the fickleness of football fans.
The number of times I have seen folk come out with guff like "In Coyle/Freedman/Lennon/Parky etc we trust" - and jump down the proverbial throat of anybody questioning tactics, selections, substitutions - only weeks before being at the forefront of any movement to get the fucker out the club is nothing short of incredible.
It's astonishing how often people fall into the same trap of believing one manager deserves their unwavering support in every decision he makes, before ultimately losing their shit and actively hating the guy.
Personally I'm a fan of Evatt and can confidently say that even if I have to sit through another consecutive handful of Cheltenham/Forest Green like performances I won't budge on that.
And not out of blind loyalty you understand - I won't hesitate to call him out on his stupid ideas even where they don't cost us points.
The question is, how many performances like the last two can he afford before the usual booing, huffing and puffing starts and people are seriously calling for him to go?
Because considering where we are compared to where we were when he came in, we shouldn't be anywhere near thinking about that, but that is just the way things tend to go.
Let's face it, if fan power had been a factor in his first season he might not have lasted the distance.
Anyway, I'm off down Halliwell Road to get pissed but please give me your honest feedback, how many more performances like that today and Tuesday night before you lose faith?
LAST SEASON & THE SUMMER....
Infinity & Beyond
31 Oct 2021
Hello all, I just wanted to make you aware of a group of people in their late teens who are going around the Church Road/Ivy Road area trick or treating. One of them is dressed as Buzz Lightyear, there’s also a Woody and my neighbour thinks she has seen a Mr Potato Head. Now Buzz was the one that came to my door and took attitude when I asked him what he’s studying at university, and I soon got rid of him by lifting up my top. After that he was very much to infinity and beyond but we all have our own methods of dealing with these parasites, I just think everybody needs to be aware and prepared this time of year for who you might answer your door to because it ain’t always innocent little kiddies.
Would Anyone Be Interested in Hiring a Private Investigator in the Bolton Area?
8 Nov 2021
Hi guys,
So after losing my job last year, I have been looking for new innovative ways of making money, whether that be starting from scratch in a brand new career, or launching my own business.
But anyway, an interesting situation arose last week when my neighbour confided in me that she suspected her husband of cheating on her with a younger woman from the Adlington area. Now far be it from me to take matters into my own hands, I followed this chap to Morrisons one morning, where low and behold I find him cosying up in the cafe area sharing a Flying Start Breakfast with this woman, before venturing into the store area where they bought smoked salmon, a nutty loaf, cream cheese, a bottle of Chardonnay, semi skimmed milk and cornflakes, spending a total of £18.91.
Anyway it wasn’t easy to break the news to the neighbour, although there wasn’t much on tele that particular night and watching her litter Chorley Old Road with his clothes was deeply satisfying.
But what pleased me most about the whole episode was the efficiency with which I was able to unravel this seedy little toerag’s web of deceit, apparently spanning back 5 years, in the space of as many hours.
On this occasion, I do consider the person a friend so I was only too happy to get to the bottom of her concerns free of charge, but it got me wondering if there is a market for this sort of thing in the area?
I don’t know yet what I would charge but I just need to get an idea of the demand for services like this across Bolton. In the case I mention above it was pretty easy as it was local to me anyway and there was no sophistacted tools needed, but I do drive and I do have access to microphones, binoculars, digital camera, etc.
Please could you just let me know either by comment or private messaging if you personally would be interested.
Thanks.
Alcohol Tomorrow?
1 Apr 2022
Hi all I was just wondering what everybody plans on doing tomorrow in terms of alcohol. Obviously it’s an early kick off so doesn’t leave much time for pints before the game and I’m not keen on paying for whatever dross they’ve got on draught in the stadium but I’m actually wondering how many cans I can maybe smuggle into the ground. When my ex husband were in the can I were always getting stuff through security for him, I’ve got quite a lot of internal storage if you know what I’m saying but I’m worried about the blokes on the gates, I’m worried my facial expressions might give me away. Do you reckon they’re gonna have their wits about them?
End of Season Awards – What is it Like?
27 Apr 2022
Hello all.
So I’ve managed get my hands on a ticket for the Player of the Year awards do or whatever they call it for the first time ever this week. I’ve been absolutely skint all year and at one point wondered if I’d even manage to cover all my season ticket direct debit payments but my luck was in a couple months back when I met my new fella. He’s called Terrence, he’s from Cambridge and I’m not gonna lie, I don’t find him physically attractive, I sometimes flinch when he touches me, but the guy is absolutely wadded and he’s kind of everything that I need right now. He’s paid off my debts, he treats me like bloody royalty to be fair, and so if I say I want a ticket for one at some fancy do the Super Whites are putting on, he can manage it.
The only trouble is it’s only since I’ve been with him that I’ve realised just how out of place I can appear to be when it comes to swanky events. The very first party we went to as a couple I was booted out for squirting some toffee nosed cow with a fire extinguisher, and then at his works do I accidentally farted during some chief executive’s speech.
Reason I mention it is I just don’t wanna turn up to this thing and make a fool of myself in front of Evatt and the boys, and who knows – damage my chances of copping off.
I also want to be taken seriously when I sit down with Ian to discuss who we need to sign in the summer.
Can somebody who has been before please give me an idea of what vibe to expect, general dress sense, etc?
Thanks.
Hello everybody.
1 May 2022
As the season is officially done and dusted I thought I’d weigh in on the comments of thanks coming in for the club.
It has been a dreadful couple of years for me personally. I was struck off the nurses register at the height of the pandemic for headbutting a patient, then I had my heart broken in November when my penpal boyfriend on death row in Tennessee lost his appeal and ultimately got the chair.
It has just been one setback after another for me, but I don’t just think it’s me specifically, I literally don’t think there’s a town in the country that has been royally shat on from such a height as ours throughout the pandemic and if there’s one thing the football club needs right now it’s an owner with an heart of gold who’s hellbent on getting fans reconnecting with the team.
For the first time since Allardyce walked it’s started to feel like the club is actually going places, and going watching them is an escape from your every day shite, rather than just some’rt else to make you miserable.
Massive thank you to the owners, managers, staff and players for a very respectable first two seasons.
I cannot wait for the new one to start.
Your Favourite Experience of Meeting a Bolton Player
11 May 2022
I know as a defender he was a pile of turd and arguably one of BSA's least effective signings but I once met Kostas Konstantinidis and it was probably one of the most pleasant nights of my life, and the morning after weren't bad either.
This is obviously going back 20 years now, I was at the Swann in town, I'd just done Gordon is a Moron on karaoke and he approaches me in the smoking area, he tells me how much he liked my performance, he says how much he loves English women that have got balls - it's obvious at this point that he's gagging for it and frankly if it hadn't been for the red card he'd just got at Everton I would have been too. But what can I say, we got talking, I were knocking back the gin like it were Vimto, and I end up back at has gaff in Lostock.
It really was a lovely experience overall, he treated me like a real lady, I don't just mean in the bedroom either, he was actually a wonderful cook. There was me tryna talk him into an Allen's fried chicken, and instead he ends up cooking me a moussaka from scratch with halloumi on the side.
We didn't stay in contact but I'll never forget being wined and dined (and the rest) by a Wanderers player, hopeless as he was.
What's the nicest story you've got about meeting a Bolton player, past or present?
North Stand Women’s Toilets
31 May 2022
Hello all.
So for many a year now I’ve been a season ticket holder in the North Stand, and no intentions of moving elsewhere.
But as much as I feel at home there and I can’t fault any of my neighbours, there’s no getting away from it, it’s where many a dirty bitch sits.
The state of the ladies toilets seems to deteriorate each season, and I’m not just talking about the occasional little floater and a few unwiped skids, at half time against Fleetwood there were an absolute beast in there that to be fair was virtually unflushable, and after the Sunderland match I found a used disgarded tampon. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not forgotten what it’s like being a fully menstrual woman on the go, but it’s not hard to find a better place to put your sanitary gear than the toilet bowl.
Obviously in terms of where Sharon’s putting her money this summer, if it’s a choice between giving the dunnies a makeover and a new 20 goal a season striker, there’s no question the squad comes first. But I’m not asking for red carpet and gold plated hand driers, just somebody to go in there on a weekly basis and keep it relatively clean and not smelling of shite.
Are You Enjoying the Women’s Euros?
6 Jul 2022
I just thought I’d start a thread about this assuming there isn’t one doing the rounds already.
I’m just watching England tonight, it’s enjoyable enough considering there’s nowt else on.
Must admit I’ve previously avoided watching England women’s team, due to sour grapes. There were a time I were the Wanderers Ladies’ answer to Kevin Davies – I were banging them in for fun, I were hard as nails but never got a call up to the international team. Apparently Hope Powell had issues with my disciplinary record but I just think she hated the fact I was hot and off the table.
But I’m putting all that behind me now, and I’m gonna watch all the games.
Is anyone going to any of the matches or just committing to watching on BBC?
