ARCHIVE: Couch Potato – Bolton On The Telly
When the BWFC fixture list was announced in summer it came accompanied by a list of Nationwide games to be screened live on the new satellite sports channel – “Sky Sports 3”, this in addition to the Premier League games being shown on “Sky Sports 1”.
“What the hell is going on?” thought I, when I realised it was virtually a Wolverhampton Wanderers channel. Why were we only being shown twice before Christmas? Just Q.P.R. and Barnsley away, with the local derbies against City, Oldham and Tranmere being totally ignored... what was going on? Bolton were being written off by the bookies with odds of 12/1 and 14/1 being thrown about and with no less than six teams tipped to finish higher... and now Sky were deeming the Whites ‘unwatchable’. But then it all changed... for the worse?
Two months into the season we now find our trips to Sheffield United, West Brom and Grimsby also being buggered about because Sky have realised ‘we are the top team in the division’. Not just points wise, but for entertainment value also. We’ve scored more goals than anybody else in the division (and country), we’re conceding them at a rate of more than one per game and we should have scored about twenty more than we’ve already got. Not only that, but our team consists of an array of foreign talent and international stars. Maybe not ‘stars’ but we’ve a whole batch of players who’ve been capped by their countries. However, certain Bolton fans expected little less than what has already gone before this season – I joke not. The team isn’t much different from last season, the main difference being that our internationals weren’t internationals but have become internationals again (figure that out!). Arguably the best two players left, but we have acquired two fantastic ones in their place (Johansen, Frandsen) and players who weren’t up for it last term have, as expected, found their feet once again (Sellars, Thompson, Taggart, Blake, McGinlay). Why could the bookies and Sky not see this?
“Who wants to be driving back from bloody Grimsby during the dead of night on Boxing Day?”
Back to the live coverage then. Q.P.R. was shifted to a 1pm kick-off on a Sunday, and saw the Whites’ away following dilapidated (compared to the number City took the other month). The trip to Barnsley meant a Friday night kick-off, not the best time when your finishing work at 5.30pm. Whilst the ‘new’ fixtures also meant date changes. Sheffield being a Friday night game, West Brom a Sunday game and Grimsby a 7.45pm kick off on Boxing Day.
It will cause problems with the team, but more so with the fans. Sheffield and Barnsley aren’t the best places to get to on a Friday evening, whilst a Sunday dinner time game at West Brom causes grief for numerous Wanderers fans... the church goer(?) and the Sunday footballer... oops! and those with big, brain eroding hangovers!! And who wants to be driving back from bloody Grimsby during the dead of night on Boxing Day? It will surely isolate certain fans from travelling and makes a further mockery of the traditional Boxing Day ‘derby’ that we were once used to.
Because of internationals the players now find that they’ll be playing away at Oxford on November 19th, just three days before they travel to Sheffield, instead of having either a clear week or at least four days grace. When they visited Barnsley (Friday) they had just fought an awesome battle with Chelsea in the Coca-Cola Cup (Tuesday), so the Tykes must have been rubbing their hands with glee after their exit to Gillingham gave them a free lead-up to the top of the table clash. And it showed, with them finishing the game stronger by far.
So what about the compensation... or should that be reward? It is rumoured that Bolton will get £50,000 a match for these games – how much will the inconvenienced fan get from this? Fuck all of course. The players might get to pocket a bit extra, but we’ll see Jack Shit. Which leads me up to the main point... why bother travelling? Why throw away £20 plus and bugger up your social diary when you can watch it in the comfort of your own home, or your neighbours, or down the local alehouse? I am now wondering whether or not these so called armchair fans are doing the right thing... they bleeding are, aren’t they?
Anyway, the media suggested that ‘title favourites’ City would probably be screened on at least TWENTY occasions during the season, which would net them a massive £1 million! With the early ‘Sky list’ proposing just a few screened games before Christmas it meant that the Manc’s would have virtually all of their post-Xmas games covered. Jesus Christ! If they are now thinking of doing the same with us as what they do with the Premiership, and show either the Red Scum or Newcastle Utd each week (like they did last season), then we could find an unhealthy number of fixtures buggered about in the New Year. This means two things – one: the club will have plenty of ‘unexpected’ cash in the pot and two: we could end up with a fixture pile up and fall out of the promotion frame at the last hurdle. I suppose it means more than that – your Friday night out with the lads and your Sunday pub football will be up the swanny; or you’ll end up with square eyes and a sweaty groove in your neighbours couch!
So how do I conclude? I reckon many Wanderers fans will swap a Friday night down in Ipswich to an evening in their local, cash in pocket, beer in hand, half day holiday off work intact. Yep, they may well use the money/holiday saved to treat the missus to an afternoon in Blackpool (probably be spent decorating though!) and furthermore they won’t have missed any of the action at Portman Road (or wherever) and that added grief from her-indoors for traipsing half way around the country won’t be forthcoming!! It’s all falling into place – but don’t forget to pay the opticians a visit and try to bung your neighbour a few quid to get his couch valeted!
First appeared in White Love Issue 11, Autumn 1996.