ARCHIVE: Promoted Northern Relegation Favourites
Fanzines spend so much of their time taking the urine out of local rivals, national rivals, their own clubs etc., that I thought why not contemplate a team in a mature, thoughtful way. Then, when all reasonable ideas have been used up, turn the bastards over, and rant on at length about that things that have been getting on my goat. So here goes.
While we were undoubtedly the best team in the First Division last year, Barnsley were supposedly the second best. Supposedly? Well, they finished second and were extremely consistent, but they certainly didn’t look the best side on the two occasions they played us. I suppose it depends how you measure best. Objectively (i.e. on paper), Wolves, City and QPR all had better players, while subjectively, Sheffield United and Norwich both played good attacking football, but none were as consistent as Barnsley.
Indeed, much has been made of Barnsley’s success with such little funds – I forget the figures, but the entire squad and revamping of the stadium cost less than Supa-John and Browny’s end of season beano in Ritzy. Indeed, much has been made of Barnsley’s success in the press – each of the football magazines and most of the national press has carried a hugely patronising article about Barnsley. Now this is one of my pet gripes, that I’ve doubtless ranted on about at length before, but bear with me. The sporting press take such a patronising view of the unglamorous Northern teams such as ourselves and Barnsley – all the Satanic mills and cloth caps when covering us, and the tedious predictability of the coal mines, whippets and the Grimethorpe Colliery band with the likes of Barnsley and others. The list goes on. How many times have I been told that Crewe is a bloody railway town? Or about it’s ‘production line’ of young talent, that has brought us the likes of David Platt, Rob Jones, Geoff Thomas, etc. BORING. I don’t care!
To me, the media are saying, “Oh I’m sorry you may have reached the pinnacle of success, we’ll sneeringly give you your five minutes of success, now get back from whence you came you cheeky Northern upstarts”. If you’re not part of the footballing establishments, then you’re treated with a sneering contempt, thinly veiled as admiration for success ‘built on sound footballing principles, on a limited budget, but with negligible hopes of lasting in the big time’.
Let’s face it, we had it all during our cup runs in recent seasons. In the worst case of it, desperate for a bleak Northern landscape, The Guardian went up to the visitors car park behind the Embankment at Burnden, and got a picture of the ground overshadowed by the Raikes Lane incinerator chimney – the fact that there aren’t any mill chimneys still belching out smoke in Bolton had no relevance whatsoever. Just paint a picture of the bleak industrial Northern stereotype that our Southern readers expect to see.
I don’t know, perhaps we’ve broken into the footballing establishment at last, or maybe Barnsley have stolen our ‘Promoted Northern Relegation Favourites’ label, but all the press coverage so far has totally ignored us apart from a few mentions of the stadium. “Blimey lads, that team in Bolton have now got the most modern stadium in the world, and its sponsored by Reebok. There’s no Northern stereotypes to be found there. Now, who else is there? How about that lot at Barnsley...”
“So what about Barnsley? Well, the way I see it is like this. Imagine an Easter egg. Pretty, rounded on the outside, but underneath is nothing.”
So what about Barnsley? Well, the way I see it is like this. Imagine an Easter egg. Pretty, rounded on the outside, but underneath is nothing. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way – like us in our last season up there, the shell, i.e. the first team, the best eleven players available we had available wasn’t bad, but beneath that – nothing. Even Oakwell (like Burnden I suppose). Okay at first glance, but nothing special really – two recent paint by number MFI flatpack, built-on-a-budget stands, a terrace with seats nailed to it and finally an ancient half wooden stand. The entire substance is like candy floss – lots to look at but no substance.
However, what isn’t like candy floss is the team. Like most First Division teams, they appeared to me to be just a load of big strong blokes who could at a stretch play a bit – may be adequate to get you out of the First Division, but it won’t keep you there. Unless you are Wimbledon.
So as is the current trend, Danny Wilson has gone and bought a van load of foreigners. And to be honest, who can blame him? I am tiring of hearing it said, but every manager has seem to have gone on record as saying that you can’t get decent British players at a decent price. So get some decent foreigners at a reasonable price. In all honesty, it must be hard to attract players of any great standing to Barnsley. Do you think Wilson could have attracted the likes of Neil Cox, Robbie Elliot, Peter Beardsley, Mark Fish or Dean Holdsworth to Barnsley?
Put yourself in their boots – a club such as Bolton would appear to have more going for it – money available to spend on players, established international players in the squad, top notch facilities, and of course a major sponsor in Reebok, one of the world’s largest sports companies.
“Many of the experts lauded the football played by Barnsley, even their fans sang about it being just like watching Brazil.”
Of course where it matters is on the field. Many of the experts lauded the football played by Barnsley, even their fans sang about it being just like watching Brazil, albeit with just a hint of irony. In my opinion though, despite the First Division becoming more and more competitive Barnsley where arguably a slightly better than average team in terms of ability who were competitive, hard to beat and had a point to prove against the landed gentry of the division such as ourselves, Wolves, City and QPR. Most importantly, they were consistent.
If Barnsley can keep these qualities intact and their new signings show a bit of class, they may (whisper it) just avoid relegation. They will of course be drawing inspiration from the ‘Promoted Midland Relegation Favourites’ of last season Leicester and Derby, as well as, predictably, Wimbledon. But as we well know, the Premiership is even harder to stay in, than it is to get into in the first place. Don’t forget, when we were there last time, it was only our first half of the season that really let us down. We’ve been very unlucky in losing Robbie Elliot so soon, but I’m quite confident Toddy will realise that our back up full backs aren’t good enough and splash out for some robust Scandinavian defender with a name that has too many K’s and V’s. I’m reasonably confident we can stay up this season. As for Barnsley, well, who knows...
First appeared in White Love Issue 18, October 1998.